Please bare with me, i am probably going to paint this as an angel vs the devil. This is the story as i view it although naturally bias towards myself, i will try to be as just and factual as possible.
I am male my partner is female, both in mid-late 20’s.
I am from a western society my fiancé is from a conservative central asian nation. I try to live a simple but disciplined life, and my partner is very contemporary for her origins [we work very well together]
My partner left her parents and moved to my Australia for educational and employment benefits. Once arrived she moved into a share house with her male cousin**(30) and his wife (27). As i believe things were happy until she met me.
Where i use my own personal ethics to guide me, he is very concerned with rules and regulations.
For example
i avoid meat for ethical reasons, he cant understand this.
He avoids premarital sex for ‘religious’ reasons, i cant understand this.
He believes a man demands respect, i believe respect can only be earned.
The more time my partner and i would spend together the more house rules he would create. In the beginning she would always agree, until i reminded her in this country someone nearing 30 is free to do whatever.
(NB: i understand that i could have a great influence over her judgement, so i would allow her to decide what she wanted)
When she started to break house rules, he would verbally attack his wife and my partner. Followed by very emotive and vague correspondence with her aging parents (my future inlaws). Her distressed parents would always contact her, and tell her not to cause trouble (as a sign of respect she would NEVER tell them the facts, nor would she disobey, even after identifying his manipulations)
In his presence the wife would always back him up, but comfort my partner and agree is a controlling misogynist.
Rules started with a midnight curfew, but soon became petty and fluid to his convenience.
One evening my partner was working late in a particularly violent area, and it was also raining, having no car herself, i collected her and dropped home, this caused great distress because she had seen me the night before.
I was not allowed to remain late in front of his kids [which i can understand] but when they holidayed interstate they would phone her to ensure that i had left on time; im not sure how this effected his kids being 2000km away. Upon them understanding i was still at the SHARE house, they flew home immediately.
When i would make plans of an evening they would repeatedly make fixed plans including my partner over the top of mine. More often than not their plans would fail to eventuate, so the couple would go to the cinema and leave my partner babysitting their children. Often she was told it is unfair on them if she has a greater social life than them.
When her auntie visited my partner was forbidden to socialise and attend the wedding as it would require hers spending the entire night with her auntie. Not being the petty type she has taken responsibility for the offence caused.
Now she is working abroad and i have had a couple of personal attacks from this gent, regarding my inferiority to him and my inappropriate behaviour. By this countries standards i am very conservative and disciplined myself.
He has accused me of having an affair with his wife, and suggested i stay away. I had visited on celebrations to give gifts to the kids. This was all in his presence, but mind you slipped an affair in at these times. Being all that i am, i can still be asked for a monetary loan.
After suggesting i stay away he announces to her family that i am shunning them.
I don’t know what to do.
My partners sentiments are similar to mine, but she fears standing up to him. We are planning on purchasing a house soon, and marrying next year or beyond. This, he has already disallowed, and we both believe he will manipulate her parents’ understanding of the situation.
As far as we feel, he has pushed himself beyond his boundaries (possibly because he was allowed). But as a older male (by 2 years) she automatically feels he is wise enough to be obeyed. She does obey.
Should i make a stand to him? this will most likely cause her parents to disapprove of me
Should we both ignore him? This will cause great shame to her parents and their family
Should i expect her to make a stand? I don’t know how that would unravel
I just don’t know, please help
**in their terms they refer to each other as brother/sister, although no family links. I used the term cousin as this is how i would consider the level of closeness.
im sorry that was a little cluttered and all over the place, i just had a lot to say, quickly 
thankyou adelya
i just dont understand why he manipulates stories and rules change to suit him.
for example his western wife is forbidden from talking with me (because he thinks we are having an affair)
but he will stay out most of the night drinking with his ex-partner.
this isn’t an east-west thing, both have there strengths and failings. i just dont think someone should go to a new country and turn it into where they came from.
i hope you dont suffer from the same issues as i
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