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In following up from my post before, I talked to my husband at length today and he is still saying the main reason for him being unhappy right now is that I’ve let my weight get out of control. I’ve gained weight yes (40 lbs) and no I am not happy about it, but my thing is what guarantees do I get for a better husband. My argument with him was that even in the beginning of our marriage when I was thinner, I still had major issues with him not being the “man” I needed him to be in our relationship. I thought it was a matter of counseling and talking it through. When I say a “man” – I mean someone who I feel is leading our life – guiding us on our way to a future – working hard together to sort out what we need to do to be successful. Instead he gets stressed out and caves away. Understood but I can’t deal with that everytime the going gets rough. Sadly I have the daddys’ little girl syndrome when in my family stuff went bad, my father always remained calm, talked to my mom every morning and worked through it. I know we will have our rough patches but he can’t sit around and say he is dealing with a lot of stress (our credit, finances, his family and daughter from previous relationship) so he can’t put forth his best foot in our marriage but yet I have to step up and lose weight to make him happy. My belief is that at the end of the day – if I was 50 lbs lighter tomorrow, he would still be the same man. His thing is “you lose the weight and I’ll be more romantic”. He said it is the most major thing that is making him angry and that I’ve been overweight since the beginning of our marriage. So then why did he marry me? I am not even falling apart over here with him saying that b/c I feel like a beautiful person regardless and yes – I’ll lose the weight but I can’t lose weight and try to run a marriage too. He says I’m the one who ruined our finances and his credit. (i’m trying to be as transparent as possible) . He can name a long list of all the things that piss him off about me. So when I ask “why stay married” then his answer is the “well i love you”. Sadly, that has been all he can say. I’ve tried the stop nagging him, make him feel good, make him a romantic night, get in sexy clothes deal — none of it works or is recognized. Even when I was working out 24/7 2 years ago – he still wasn’t giving me what I need. But ask him for a separation or divorce – he doesn’t want it. Basically I told him I am not going ot lose weight for him. So I may be fat in our marriage for another 5 years – so what does that mean? I get punished and get no love from someone who “loves” me until I meet my end of the bargain? I don’t know how that works. Bottom line is – I may not be here tomorrow or next month or whatever – so that means I live miserably until I lose weight in time enough to make him happy. Hardest part – we are living at home with my parents – we have one car – our jobs are right next to each other. We have nothing really shared except a couple of credit cards and bank stuff. What should I do? Am I really ruining his life? Should I suck it up and lose the weight to look like how he wants me to so he can have an attractive wife he deserves? This is a man who told me he doesn’t really believe in romance. My birthday comes and I am lucky if I get a card from him. V-day comes and I’m lucky if his co-worker asks him what he plans to do for it.
I am depressed but not. I’m really just exhausted – I don’t mind smiling at funny things and living life. Just feel weighed down to do something for this man to make him happier.
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I’m in the process of getting a divorce (he finally moved out after I told him that if he can’t stop lying and start respecting me and our marriage, that he needs to go). Well, he said he can’t stop and he left. I couldn’t believe it. At first, I was devastated b/c I thought he would decide that his pattern of emotional affairs, lying to me constantly about anything and everything, lying about me to gain pity & acceptance about his behavior from his family & peers, secret & privatized blogs & social profiles created in order to meet women & brag about his exploits to his online friends, using me as a cash cow & just all around jacka$$ery weren’t honorable & he would change or get help.
But at least he was honest – he can’t change (I’ve always thought that line made a better lyric than life motto, but whatevs). So now he “misses” me & wants to go on dates & go to marriage counseling…but he also has a new place, a girlfriend, told all his friends that he’s left his horrible wife, and his outgoing message on all is IMs is “free at last”…so uh…I think not. Despite my obvious low self esteem (which I’m working on) I’ve already moved on – sold everything he left behind that reminded me of him (he already said he took everything he wanted) & bought new furniture with the dough. I’m taking up new hobbies & I’ve increased my work time for extra dough and to take up extra time, frankly.
Sure, I’m sad. But he’s been a jerk since day one and I was a young fool who married too early & thought the world would end if my marriage did. Well, it didn’t. He’s just gone. More gone, I mean. We really never had much of a marriage. So I am looking for books from those who’ve been there. I’m still young, still within child-bearing age (we did not have kids) and I have what I consider to be a brilliant life ahead of me – as well as a supportive family & a few very close friends. I’m ready to move on & I am, much to my surprise…but I’d still like to read a book to help “guide the way”.
I’m also seeing a therapist/life coach…after years of emotional and sexual abuse and neglect (and occasional physical abuse), I think it’s necessary. Any ideas for books, though? Thanks in advance.
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Dear All
The Indian girl gets registered marriage to a Malasian boy when he was doing his studies in India. After 6 months he goes back to Malasia and no contacts. She goes to Malasia and he tells her to file for divource as he gotten involved with another girl.
She files for divorce and notice served to the same address as it was in the registered marriage certificate.
Now she is being told that unless he responds, the divorce case may not go thro in court.
My question is– is it not possbile to get an exparte order since the notice sent was as mentioned in the marriage certificate??
Professionals pls advice means to get the divorce.
I dont know how this question got deleted and so I am reposting same. Real life situation and so pls guide/advice.
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When a Christian couple gets married, we have all of these forces that should be working to keep them married:
The marriage is performed in God’s presence…
…in God’s house…
…in front of God’s representative (a minister or priest)…
…and in front of many Christian witnesses.
The couple presumably prays before and after the wedding for a good marriage…
…as do all of the witnesses…
…and the minister/priest.
The couple knows that if they divorce/remarry, it is an act of adultery…
…which God has forbidden…
…and which the Bible says is punishable by death.
And don’t forget this important line from the ceremony: What God has joined together let no man put asunder. Now think about this. God is the all-powerful, all-knowing creator of the universe. If God puts something together, shouldn’t it be impossible to break it? Isn’t that what “all-powerful” means?
Given all of this, and given the fact that an all-powerful, prayer-answering God is supposedly looking over the lives of a Christian couple, guiding them in the spirit and so on, what would you expect the divorce rate for Christians to be? Clearly, the Christian divorce rate should be zero.
But when we look at the divorce statistics of American couples, and compare Christian vs. non-Christian divorce rates, we find this strange statistic: divorce rates among Christians match those among the rest of the population. It does not matter whether the couple is Christian or not. According to this article, “‘While it may be alarming to discover that born-again Christians are more likely than others to experience a divorce, that pattern has been in place for quite some time,’ said George Barna, president of Barna Research Group.” There are a millions ways to crunch the data, but no matter how you slice it, it is easy to see that Christians divorce just as often as non-Christians.
Do you think that the divorce rate should be lower & if not, why not?…
EDIT: yes, I think we all know christians are people, what the question is asking is, with all this to recommend a christian marriage, why are the divorce rates not lower?…
Link re BAC here:
http://www.divorcereform.org/mel/rbaptisthigh.html
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Handling a marriage is never easy, because we tend to forget that marriage is just like a coin with 2 sides. You are not the only one who might be facing some kind of troubles, but the solution is never a divorce. Sometimes, it happens that you are so fed up and you wish that the relationship ends. But then, what next?
I’m going to tell you that things I did for saving my marriage from divorce. I hope you put these tips and advice in practice to save your marriage and live a happy married life again.
Saving your marriage is not an easy task; you need to be devoted and ready to take up the challenges as well. It is quite usual that, at a given point of time all marriage reach a saturation point. Your marriage is no more working, you have no interest in your partner and you just don’t care about what’s happening. Still you have got to save your marriage as it is not a game and because you are also suffering at the sometime.
You need to have an open conversation about what is real problem. This have been of great help to help me save my marriage. Convince yourself that whatever the trouble might be, you should definitely give your marriage a second chance. Misunderstanding is everywhere and you just can not divorce because of that.
Saving your marriage must be your priority and you should devoted to saving it. This is a huge responsibility, but if you take the right steps, then no one can’t stop you from getting the love back in your married life.
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