My boyfriend (of 3 years) and I are planning on getting married next year.
What are some of the biggest adjustments we’ll have to make in our lives once married?
What are the good/bad sides of marriage life to expect?
Also we’ll both be19-20, so considered young by some, but we’ll be financially secure etc.
What issues will we may face as a young couple?
Thanks for the heads up!
Just so people know; no we’ve never lived together, nor do we plan to before getting married.
Image taken on 2006-09-28 21:36:13 by ronploof.
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Tags: adjustments, couple, life, married, young
April 11th, 2010 at 5:52 am
We’ve been married for quite a while and I just want to say there’s lots of things that change.
I mean, when you’re young, it’s great and you think you’re going to be Happy ever after- I do hope you and your boyfriend will be, it’s just things like bills , housework, money, kids all can be stressful sometimes and it’s hard to deal with.
Anyway, I don’t mean to sound negative, all the best to you and your boyfriend for the future
April 11th, 2010 at 6:24 am
I think the biggest adjustment I made up until we had a son was finding and accepting that we both needed our own personal time. It’s great having a wife, but for a while I felt that she resented me wanting to spend some time with the friends, as opposed to spending all my time with her.
Another difficult adjustment has been the conjoining of two different lifestyles. Something you don’t find out until living with someone. I guarentee you by the 6 month mark after marriage there will be things your significant other will do that will anger you to no ends, but to them it’s just an everyday thing.
It’s finding the middle ground and accpeting everythign that comes with it that will be difficult.
April 11th, 2010 at 7:20 am
DO you live together currently? It can be very difficult living with someone. You may get along perfectly fine, but as soon as you move in, you see a different side to the person and you may or may not like it. You need to figure out how to deal!
April 11th, 2010 at 7:35 am
You will have to adjust to having someone else in your bed. My favourite story is still of the woman who woke up in the middle of the night three days after the wedding think “oh my god, there’s a man in my bed!”. I’ve been warned that sharing a bed (non-euphemistically) with your spouse is entirely different than sharing one with a friend or sibling like you might be used to.
You need to adjust to having someone else there who needs to be considered for everything. I’m finding that I’m having to adjust to this now, before I’m married, but it’s apparently a bigger deal after.
And you will also have to put up with people who, for at least a year, consider “so how’s married life treating you?” to be a good conversation starter (my SIL has this problem constantly).
April 11th, 2010 at 8:28 am
I was married four months ago and so far there have only been minor adjustments. I now have to consider someone else when making decisions like I can’t just decide to eat a bowl of cereal for dinner or hold off on doing laundry until I run out of underwear
There’s also little things to adjust to when living with someone and they are completely stupid things but they can drive you up the wall. I squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube and keep it flat. For awhile, I would get internally agitated every time I picked up the tube and my husband had squeezed it from the middle on the sides.
Probably the hardest thing has been combining finances. We’re both in our early thirties so we’ve grow used to spending our own money and budgeting for one.
But the benefits far outweigh the adjustments and make marriage well worth it!
April 11th, 2010 at 8:54 am
My husband and I didn’t live together at all before marriage either. Though, we were in our mid-twenties when we got married and had both already gotten our undergrad degrees and secured full time jobs by that point. Still, we do understand where you’re coming from.
The best thing could also be considered the hardest thing, depending on how you look at it: learning how to live together. You learn, oh-he snores. Oh, she has this wierd morning routine. Oh, he never puts his bowl in the sink. Oh, she has to make the bed every single morning. Etc. etc. Learning the quirks that you never were privileged to notice before then-if you enter your marriage willing to laugh instead of be critical, then you’ll LOVE that part. But, if you go in unwilling to be flexible and patient, then you’ll have a lot of spats.
Learning how to create a money management system that works for you as a couple is also sort of tricky.
Also, if you don’t yet, learn to love cooking together. My husband and I both really enjoy cooking, so dinnertime is a chance for us to work together in the kitchen, and test out new recipes. If we didn’t love this part of our day, that could be an issue, I suppose.
Tell each other you love each other all the time, and be affectionate like crazy. It will help move you along in those potentially rough moments. Cut each other slack as you learn to adapt to being together 24/7, and look at it as a gift.
April 11th, 2010 at 9:20 am
I am not married but I would seriously consider living together for a while before getting married. Even if its just a couple months. I was with my man 3 years before movning in together. We are a young couple. 19-22 And we have been great so far. It really is just an issue of having to consider him also, but alot of the time living together is the deal breaker with couples. So I suggest you live together for a while. Hope everything works out!! And congrats on the wedding plans!!
April 11th, 2010 at 9:32 am
Definitely learning to live with another person and getting past those little quirks that make them who they are.
Another is going to be combining your finances if you choose to do so. My fiance and I live together and have for the last two years. We share everything except bank accounts. Sometimes I pay, sometimes he pays, and it all equals out in the end.
We have been trying to combine finances for about three months now and it’s so hard. We want to put all of our money in my account to pay bills and save so we can eventually move and buy a house, but it’s not easy. Sharing everything is really hard.
My best advice to you is to make sure that you find time for yourselves. Even if it’s just to be able to sit down and read a book alone, or to watch a show you like by yourself, or even to go out with your friends without him there. Although you may miss each other, time for yourself is extremely important. You’ll miss it if you don’t have it.
Good luck in your married life and with planning your wedding!