married life guide

There are a lot of things we can learn from the Bible. When it comes to marriage, Christian beliefs do have a lot to say. A Christian marriage is a true one if both members live by the Bible.

Caveat Lector

Reader beware: the bible is a great compilation of teachings, but read it in proper context; never take it literally. Remember that the writings in the Old Testament had been meant for people of the Jewish faith, more than 2000 years ago. Back then, only one class of people the Scribes, know how to write–so a certain margin of error must be allotted to the writings as the original preachers could not have written the works themselves (and had no way to check!). And the Bible, being the most translated book in the world, has gone through a lot of copying, recopying, translations and retranslations–so be sure to take in the spirit of the words and not the literal meaning.

St. Paul

Saul’s eye-opening encounter with Jesus Christ on that road to Damascus certainly got the ball rolling. After his conversion (and name change from Saul to Paul), he goes on to write copiously to several groups of Christians. From these letters or epistles, he says a LOT about love, marriage, and love and marriage.

In his letters to the Colossians, Corinthians, Ephesians and the Hebrews, he wrote copiously about the duties of wives to husband, and vice versa. He also talks about everything that love is and isn’t, in his most famous letter to the Corinthians (which is a popular choice for readings in wedding ceremonies). He also talks about loving not just spouses, but everyone, in imitation of Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ, as told by Mark and Matthew

The New Testament documents Jesus’ teachings, based on the written works of the four evangelists’ disciples. On marriage, Jesus says that a couple is united by marriage, through a covenant with God. And what God has united, no man should separate. These are accounted in both gospels from Mark and Matthew.

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Yes I know, that phrase is an overused cliché dished out by people who just don’t understand, but think they know everything.

BUT. It’s so true. You know it.

Communication between couples really is the key to a happy marriage. If there was a tutorial article entitled, ” How to Save a Marriage,” this one word just might cover it all. Converting it to concrete action is probably the most challenging part–it’s so easy to say and understand, but so hard to concretize.

What to Say

A marriage is founded on mutual trust, and that sacred trust is slowly eroded and easily broken by lies and misunderstandings. Which all can be filed under miscommunication.

The solution? Come clean. Everyone appreciates honesty.

Now you have to figure out how to do just that…

Find Your Media

It’s so very easy to be misunderstood. Avoid the chances of this happening–by choosing your media carefully. By media, I mean the vehicle through which you communicate what you have to say. News travels everywhere because of various forms of media-print, video, radio, or other more creative ways.

You might have been misunderstood because you’re unable to express your thoughts and feelings clearly. If you can compose letters better than you can deliver a speech, consider sitting down and writing a letter to your spouse. This way, you can be sure that he or she will read through it all, without constant interruption and direct confrontations.

If you’re more of a talker than a writer, consider recording a video or audio, with your complete thoughts on how you feel about your spouse, and how your relationship had changed.

Ditto! For Me, Too.

Consider doing this practice as a couple. For those who prefer having written communication, since this is more convenient and romantic, start a journal (one for each, or just the one for both of you) and write to each other regularly. You can also do this if you prefer video or audio, through personal vlogs or file sharing services. This alternative is also great for married couples separated by long distances.

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Considering giving your marriage another shot yet sitting down in the stifling office of a marriage counselor turns you off? Then, why not go on a marriage retreat, instead? Retreats are more relaxing as they are usually out-of-town, making the environment non-intimidating even if there’s a marriage counselor or therapist around.

So, how does a marriage retreat work? Typical marriage retreats involve half-day sessions with the therapist and sharing long walks while sorting out marital issues. Couples are also encouraged to participate in sports activities. They are also advised do whatever stuff they used to enjoy doing together, whether it’s going out for dinner, watching movies, or visiting hobby shops or boutiques.

During the retreat, you, as a couple, are expected to:

• Assess how you have arrived to that status of your relationship where you are almost breaking apart
• Revisit the feeling of happiness you once knew by seriously considering your shared interests and value systems,
• Examine the loss of intimacy in your relationship and come up with creative ways to revive this quality,
• Develop a common vision for your marriage and you can stay connected with each other,

These retreats last for a couple of days, over the weekend or, at times, the whole week. The sessions are often headed by an adviser or a husband and wife team who are experts in relationships and marriage.

The goal of marriage retreats can be summarized in one word: reconciliation. When a married couple goes in a retreat, they are expected to put aside their sad experiences and issues to focus their efforts in achieving that goal.

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Want to create a happy marriage? Here’s the right recipe to do just that.

First, you need to have the following ingredients in generous quantity:

• Love
  • • Make an effort to always keep the romance between the two of you alive and simmering. If you feel that giving flowers or exchanging love notes is cheesy, then you have your work cut out for you.
• Trust
  • • Trust must be established even before the marriage. It allows love to flourish. If there’s no trust in a relationship, love withers and dies. Make sure that mutual trust is mixed well within your marriage.
• Patience
  • • It has been said that marriage is the ultimate test of patience. So don’t sweat the small stuff. Sharing your home with someone will literally test every ounce of patience you have.
• Respect
  • • Respect means you value your spouse. Mutual respect fuels a relationship even after age diminishes sexual appetite and physical attraction.
• Encouragement
  • • Look for any opportunities to encourage your spouse with delightful praises. A word of encouragement never fails to lift the heaviness of daily life.

Mix a generous amount of the these ingredients in your marriage. Then serve with a smile.

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In a perfect world, marriages last a lifetime, divorce is non-existent and married couples are forever in love with each other. But in the real world, many marriages end in divorce and married couples face challenges that no amount of whispering sweet nothings can solve. What’s worse, petty issues escalate into full blown marital problems. Why? Because most of the time, couples do not realize that trouble is brewing in paradise until it’s too late.

Do you find yourself in the following situations?

.
• The two of you bickering at the drop of a hat.
• You or your spouse do the eye roll a lot when the other is speaking.
• You feel that verbal, physical and/or emotional abuses are the only constant things in your marriage.
• Sleeping together, literally, pretty much sums up the sexual activity in your marriage.
• You can’t agree on almost any thing you can’t even pretend to agree. Anymore.
• You feel that your spouse is happier when you are away for a business trip. And you realize that you are happy too, being away and all.

If these are familiar to you and experience them on a regular basis, you, my friend, are having marriage troubles. Don’t wait until your marriage becomes a battlefield. If you still value your relationship, seek counseling. Or have a moment to talk with your wife to see where your marriage is going. Be aware of the clues. It is a good start if you want to fix your relationship.

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A happy marriage is more than just being in love with your spouse for as long as you’re together. In fact, happiness in marriage is more than just a romantic concept. It’s an act of will. It might have worked during your courtship all the way to your early years together, but being in love must be sustained by other important factors. Here are three of them:

Respect

Love is a great foundation but in the long run, respect is even more fundamental. Respect makes it possible for you and your partner to be friends always. Without respect, you can’t even share a sincere friendship.

Respecting your partner means you put him or her in high regard, to the point that you wouldn’t want to do anything that would hurt your marriage.

Individuality

The biggest mistake you could ever make in a relationship is to influence and change your partner into the person who embodies everything that you like. Remember that your spouse is his or her own person. Do not impose upon your spouse your own ideas, thoughts and beliefs. Instead, make a genuine effort to understand his or her ways. Conversely, remind your spouse to understand yours as well.

Be each other’s cheerleader as you pursue your respective beliefs, hobbies and interests.

Compromise

As you respect your spouse and his or her individuality, it would be easy for you to find a middle path once the marriage is confronted with some issues. Marriage requires a lot of compromise.

To put happiness into your marriage, always see where the other is coming from and settle on a compromise.

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Most of time, a healthy communication is all you need to resolve marital problems. If this aspect is present in a marriage to begin with, what big difference would it make. Failure to communicate puts a marriage at risk. It could lead to distrust and insecurities. Remember that problems are best handled when parties concerned are open and willing to talk.

In general, there are three things that couples should be open about.

Money - Financial security is a serious issue, especially for those who are just starting out in their marriage. It’s not a bad idea for couples to have joint bank accounts. Having so creates trust and security. Trusting each other in financial matters strengthens your bond as a married couple.

Sex - Within marriage, sex is both special and sacred. Believe it or not, talking about what you like or dislike in bed can save your marriage. Being open about any concerns before and after sex, not just during, frees one from his or her insecurities. This can make a married couple’s sex life more meaningful, with a chance of eliminating the temptation for infidelity. Discussions should involve understanding your partner’s boundaries and respecting it.

Kids - Parents should talk about their views on raising children. Any differences should be reconciled to avoid conflict in bringing up your children. When you do talk about it, it’s better to do so in private, not within your kids’ hearing.

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