married life guide

Do you want to have a better marriage?

If you answered, “yes,” I have good news for you. You’re halfway there!

Seriously.

If you sincerely want a better marriage, then you’re willing to work for it. And that initiative is irreplaceable. Take some time out by yourself, and reflect on your married life.

Expectations for Your Marriage

Coming in to the marriage, what were your expectations? When you were single, how did you think your married life would be? How does that image compare to how things are currently? Did you want to have a marriage exactly like some people you know? Examine your actions as husband or wife. Have you found yourself (quite surprisingly) doing something exactly like your mom or dad had done in their marriage?

Comparing your current situation to your idealized marriage can show you why you’re dissatisfied with the way things are with your spouse. Try to be objective and examine if what you had expected before your marriage, is realistic, when applied to you, your spouse, and your living situation. Unconsciously, you are conditioned to act like your parents had in their own marriage–they are your first model of marriage after all. Don’t blame yourself, just strive to see things from your spouse’s point of view.

Expectations for Your Spouse

Do you feel like your spouse changed soon after marriage? If so, in what ways? How does your spouse compare to the husband or wife of your dreams? Did you expect him or her to fulfill specific things, and is your spouse aware of these?

Disillusion happens when you have unfulfilled expectations. And if you feel this for your spouse, try to think back. Waaaay back. To when you first met him or her, to the time you got into the relationship, to when you got married. If you feel that they’ve changed, look back and see if they have been like that all along–love truly is blind, or at least obscures the objectivity of people in it.

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Yes I know, that phrase is an overused cliché dished out by people who just don’t understand, but think they know everything.

BUT. It’s so true. You know it.

Communication between couples really is the key to a happy marriage. If there was a tutorial article entitled, ” How to Save a Marriage,” this one word just might cover it all. Converting it to concrete action is probably the most challenging part–it’s so easy to say and understand, but so hard to concretize.

What to Say

A marriage is founded on mutual trust, and that sacred trust is slowly eroded and easily broken by lies and misunderstandings. Which all can be filed under miscommunication.

The solution? Come clean. Everyone appreciates honesty.

Now you have to figure out how to do just that…

Find Your Media

It’s so very easy to be misunderstood. Avoid the chances of this happening–by choosing your media carefully. By media, I mean the vehicle through which you communicate what you have to say. News travels everywhere because of various forms of media-print, video, radio, or other more creative ways.

You might have been misunderstood because you’re unable to express your thoughts and feelings clearly. If you can compose letters better than you can deliver a speech, consider sitting down and writing a letter to your spouse. This way, you can be sure that he or she will read through it all, without constant interruption and direct confrontations.

If you’re more of a talker than a writer, consider recording a video or audio, with your complete thoughts on how you feel about your spouse, and how your relationship had changed.

Ditto! For Me, Too.

Consider doing this practice as a couple. For those who prefer having written communication, since this is more convenient and romantic, start a journal (one for each, or just the one for both of you) and write to each other regularly. You can also do this if you prefer video or audio, through personal vlogs or file sharing services. This alternative is also great for married couples separated by long distances.

Technorati Tags: a happy marriage, happy marriage, how to save marriage, marriage communication